LOS ANGELES, CA—With high taxes, low electricity, and everything on fire, people continue to leave California. One man, Warren Stanley, was determined to stay, though. “I just enjoy the climate,” he explained. But he got a surprise this morning when he received a tax bill in the mail for $140 billion.
“As the last person remaining in California,” stated the letter from California Governor Gavin Newsom (who now works remotely from income tax-free Florida), “you’re going to have to pay all the taxes. Thanks for choosing our great state!”
“Aw, man,” Stanley whined. “I knew I hadn’t seen my neighbors in a while, but I didn’t think I was the last.” Stanley says he doesn’t think he’ll be able to pay the tax bill, as most of his income goes to paying his rent. If he doesn’t pay it, though, he’ll be arrested for tax evasion — though it will take a while for the police to get him since they all live out of state.
Stanley is currently working on negotiating some sort of payment plan. His main question was whether, if he paid his taxes, the state would be able to keep the electricity on continuously, but the answer he got was “probably not.”