This is already a very cheerful time of the year, but the Lord apparently thought I needed to be cheered up even a little bit more, and so He very kindly arranged to have the Democrats start yelling at us over the startling news that the Russians hacked our sacred electoral processes.
Now I do need to emphasize at the outset that it is our electoral processes that are sacred. As in, America’s electoral processes. It is quite important not to make a mistake here. When it is other nation’s elections we are talking about—those very pedestrian kind of foreign elections—it is simply the case that the same kind of civic dignity and majesty are not exuded by them. It doesn’t waft off of them, the way it does off of ours. I say this merely out of a desire to use off of twice in one sentence. These are antinomian times.
This is why, for example, there is no problem with President Obama interfering with the British Brexit vote, popping up during their campaign in order to do his sanctimonious professor thing—which he admittedly does very well—so that he might inform the benighted British public that a yes vote on Brexit would have DIRE consequences. This was okay because their elections are not sacred the way ours are. And remember that time when Obama sent a bunch of taxpayer money—as in, hundreds of thousands—over to Israel in order to get Netanyahu frog-marched to the nearest electoral curb? Good times. This was okay because Israeli elections are ordinary schlub-like elections, participated in by foreigners. They are not Americans, a point that is often overlooked. These foreigners buy their democracies in bulk at warehouse discount houses. They don’t have the expensive high-end kind of democracy like we do, the sacrosanct kind. And besides, Netanyahu was being annoying to our president, and not annoying our president is another one of our sacrosanct values.