Satire

ROTFL!!! U.S.—The youth vote is seen as key to a Democratic victory in 2020, but so far most of the announced candidates have not excited young people. That’s changed now that the extremely ancient socialist Bernie Sanders has slowly shuffled into the race.

The year is 2019. You’d think we’d be living in a progressive paradise by now, with energy-efficient trains crisscrossing the idyllic countryside, everyone being accepted for who they are—gay, bi, straight, or polygamous—and all people having equal access to free government breadlines.

Awesome!  WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a statement to D.C. police given Tuesday, senator and presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren claimed that two men in colonial outfits accosted her on the street and assaulted her with smallpox-infected blankets.

Don’t be drinking anything as you read this! SAN FRANCISCO – Local white supremacist Claude Burke cancelled plans to commit a hate crime, citing a waning credibility factor. According to Burke, he didn’t have confidence that the heinous act he was planning to commit would be believable in a time when the left keeps staging fake

But, but, but it could have happened. That’s what matters! </sarcasm> U.S.—The nation’s liberals were struck by a devastating blow this week after finding out a hate crime, reported by Empire actor Jussie Smollet, didn’t actually happen.

ATLANTA, GA—While Empire actor Jussie Smollett has been having a tough week so far, there appears to be a silver lining: cable news channel CNN has offered Smollett a job as an investigative reporter and on-air anchor after witnessing his skills at fabricating a story entirely out of thin air.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a statement issued Friday, former president Barack Obama strongly condemned President Trump’s “dangerous” and “concerning” use of unilateral executive action to build a wall along the southern border of the country.

Too funny.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—The carbon footprint of the Green New Deal has already reached dangerous levels as congressional staffers have been forced to furiously reprint revisions of the document around the clock since the proposal’s unveiling.

“War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength.” WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is busy celebrating her victory over the tyrannical Jeff Bezos and the horrible burden his company Amazon had planned to inflict on the people of New York City: 25,000 jobs.

More satire close to home.  U.S.—Conservatives across the nation have been accused of “pouncing” and “seizing on” weaknesses in liberals’ policy positions for simply reading a list of the things liberals actually believe without changing the content or commenting on it in any way.

They would if they could.  DUCKBURG—A horde of angry Democrats reportedly descended upon Duckburg today to protest notorious billionaire Scrooge McDuck for hoarding his wealth and not paying his “fair share” in taxes.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A wildly popular Democratic lawmaker who seems to be poised to take over the entire liberal movement asked in a video posted to her social media accounts Wednesday why Republicans and conservatives are so obsessed with her when her dangerous socialist ideas threaten to destroy everything this country holds dear.

Another irony.  QUEENS, NY—In a video uploaded to his social media accounts Tuesday, local political activist and lobbyist for the abortion industry Mick Landon explained that the Constitution must be treated as a living, evolving document, though he believes the unborn aren’t living in any meaningful sense of the word.

She’s “mostly dead” (quoting Miracle Max).  WASHINGTON, D.C.—Yesterday after the United States Supreme Court opened and justices began filing in, a half-robot, half-human with the face of Ruth Bader Ginsburg entered wielding an arm cannon, body armor, enhanced retinal targeting, and an integrated jetpack. “I AM RUTH BADER GINS-BORG. PLEASE PROCEED,” the cybernetic justice said

Honestly, I can no longer tell what is satire and what is reality.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a recent press conference, Democrats unveiled an aggressive, surefire plan to ensure Trump gets reelected in 2020.

Another satirical post that’s on point.  FORT SMITH, AR—Stating that his help is invaluable, local man Henry Greene confirmed Monday just how thankful he is that he has a white friend around to tell him exactly what jokes he’s supposed to find offensive as a black man.

On point.  RICHMOND, VA—Embattled Democrats in Virginia announced Monday that they would only resign from their positions if they’re caught in “a real scandal like getting photographed wearing a Make America Great Again hat or something really bad like that.”

While this is satire… WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid criticism over her Green New Deal plan, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez explained Monday that the copy of The Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels coinciding with the announcement of the plan was uploaded to her website “by mistake.”

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The controversial Green New Deal ran into trouble early on when an FAQ of the details was placed on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s website and then pulled down after it received scrutiny. For a while her people claimed the FAQ never existed, and when directly asked about it, Ocasio-Cortez has not answered questions, claiming not to