Satire

Welcome to post-modern math.  MUNCIE, IN—In a mathematics lesson delivered to her kindergarten class Tuesday, local teacher and closed-minded bigot Becky Delatorre reportedly insisted that two plus two equals four, all the time, to the exclusion of all other numbers, no matter how anyone feels about it. Asking her class the question, “What does two plus two […]

Is this even satire? The progressive hate any education other than government-run education.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—Bernie Sanders has come out against charter schools. He is not a fan of the inequality and quality education they create. Sanders continued his attack on the schools this week, saying he would ban for-profit charter schools if elected president.

They wouldn’t want that to happen… </sarcasm> Dems Warn More Abortion Bans Could Lead To Humanizing Unborn Humans

Is this even satire?  AMHERST, MA—Speaking to the graduating class of 2019 at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, Senator Elizabeth Warren proudly announced she would be sharply increase their taxes in order to pay for their own student loans, which were inflated by government subsidies in the first place.

She’s been brainwashed </sarcasm> BOISE, ID—Male feminist Noel Benson was talking at a coffee shop about how horrible the new Alabama abortion law is when he encountered something extremely startling: a woman who disagreed with him.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Bernie Sanders’s favorite pastime is calling out evil billionaires for their evilness. Sanders found the perfect opportunity to do this once again as billionaire Robert F. Smith announced he would be paying off the student debt of those who graduated from Morehouse College.

Satire cuts both ways.  U.S.—While Republicans generally support any war in the general direction of the Middle East, they’ve had a sudden change of heart when it comes to Iran.

U.S.—According to sources all across the country, a caravan of unborn babies has formed to head toward Alabama in an attempt to avoid the rest of the country’s barbaric abortion laws. The unborn humans, mostly residing in the wombs of pro-choice mothers, learned of the new law as their moms watched CNN and listened to

All those white guys… U.S.—Democrats want to stop white men from legislating women’s bodies. So they have come out against Roe v. Wade, and have vowed to do everything to overturn it, after finding that the decision was made by a Supreme Court made up mostly of powerful, white men.

More non-satire satire.  U.S.—Experts on murder rates in the United States have confirmed what we’ve all long suspected: banning murders is dangerous, because if we do so, murders will just occur in back alleys anyway.

Again, more non-satire satire.  TUSCALOOSA, AL—Seven-year-old Gloria Hutchins was taken aside by her mother today and informed that thanks to new abortion laws, she may never enjoy the opportunity to kill her offspring. The two shared tears as Hutchin’s mother, Heather, explained how, back in the good old days, if she decided she wanted to

More non-satire satire. 🙁  Talk about a close call: this baby was almost born into poverty, but his mother killed him just before the cutoff for abortion in their state. With literally just a few days to spare, she ended his life, saving him from living a life that isn’t always perfect.

Were it true.  SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Oops! Twitter just accidentally banned the official account of Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez while trying to crack down on parody accounts of the controversial congresswoman.

U.S.—Experts on murder rates in the United States have confirmed what we’ve all long suspected: banning murders is dangerous, because if we do so, murders will just occur in back alleys anyway.

This was actually built into the checks and balances of the US Constitution.  U.S.—According to a recent study, more and more Americans are in favor of breaking up a dangerous, powerful monopoly: the federal government.

Is this even satire?  WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a hearing Thursday, Representative Ilhan Omar slammed the country of Israel for refusing to accept the generous gift of rockets from Palestine.

Pretty much!  SAN FRANCISCO, CA—An extensive study revealed that the majority of liberals define the term “alt-right” as meaning anybody who is politically to the right of Joseph Stalin. The study involved thousands of hours of focus-testing, surveying, and reaction-based observational studies on liberals from all over urban centers and liberal hotspots across the United

Cracks me up. They are concerned with Donald Trump’s blowing her personal millions while they are blowing taxpayers trillions!  WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a blow to President Trump’s image as a savvy businessman, records show that Trump lost over one billion dollars from 1985 to 1994. The news has also caused him to be mocked by fellow

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez got a good fright while encountering a bizarre object in Washington for the first time: the U.S. Constitution.