Satire

NEW YORK, NY—Carlos Maza, a video journalist who works for Vox has been calling out Dictionary.com for posting definitions of words that are “very upsetting.”  “I’ve informed Dictionary.com of the many definitions I find abusive and problematic. They have done nothing. I don’t know what else to say. They obviously support murder, racism, and other troubling […]

You would think so. Anything you don’t like, just line-out and change.  U.S.—Utilizing Wikipedia’s tried-and-true method of letting anyone in the world edit its content, so you know it’s reliable, a new WikiBible will let anyone edit the inspired Scriptures. The online Bible can be edited on the fly by anyone on the planet, with

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—It looks like Google is adding hundreds of jobs to Silicon Valley, as its newly opened book-burning division is looking to hire firemen.

SAO PAULO—Speaking to a crowd in Brazil, former US president Barack Obama bemoaned the fact that it’s way too easy for Americans to get their hands on the Constitution.

Seriously? Is this even satire?  WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a daring mission against all odds, brave modern D-Day warriors landed on the shores of the Potomac in an early morning raid to demand a living from the government. Their leader, General Bernie Sanders, gave an inspiring speech late last night as the courageous freedom fighters prepared to

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—A glitch in Google Maps’ navigation feature has been instructing thousands of conservative users to drive off a cliff and die, sources confirmed Wednesday. https://babylonbee.com/news/google-maps-navigation-glitch-instructs-conservatives-to-drive-off-cliff/

Same way Obama got elected.  ENGLAND—England has reluctantly ceded control of their country over to Donald Trump after the visiting US president was given a sword by a strange woman lying in a pond.

Is this satire? I cannot tell.  ILLINOIS—Multiple sources confirmed Tuesday that all the signs welcoming visitors to the state of Illinois have been updated to read “Land Where You Can Decapitate An Infant With Impunity.” The signs used to display the traditional state slogan, “Land of Lincoln.” But since the state is now on the

NEW YORK, NY—A reporter for The Daily Beast tracked down and doxxed an 11-year-old kid who told a joke about Pelosi at school one time.

Is this even satire?  U.S.—Declaring that “the future is female” and that they would “no longer bow to toxic male faux-dominance,” Americans on the left of the political spectrum solemnly vowed Saturday to topple the Patriarchy once and for all by allowing biological males to dominate all women’s sports. “The Patriarchy needs to be smashed, women

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Hillary Clinton has been hired to give a keynote speech. The topic? Winning elections. Hillary Clinton To Give Keynote Speech On Winning Elections WASHINGTON, D.C.-Hillary Clinton has been hired to give a keynote speech. The topic? Winning elections.The Election Victory Conference is held every year, and they hire experts who have all won elections.

ATLANTA, GA—In further backlash against Georgia’s heartbeat bill, which bans abortion after a fetal heartbeat is detected, the Canaanite god Moloch says he will reconsider his presence in Georgia if the bill goes into effect. https://babylonbee.com/news/moloch-says-he-may-rethink-presence-in-georgia-if-anti-abortion-bill-goes-into-effect/

We certainly wouldn’t want to film where there are depraved people… BURBANK, CA—Disney’s CEO, Bob Iger, has come out swinging against Georgia’s restrictive abortion laws. He says that he may need to move filming locations out of state to avoid immoral, perverted, depraved people like Georgians. Instead, he says all film projects planned for Georgia

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A stunning new report found that Robert Mueller’s closing statement regarding his investigation into Russian interference confirms whatever you already believed about Trump, obstruction, and Russian collusion. https://babylonbee.com/news/amazing-muellers-statement-confirms-whatever-you-already-believed-about-trump/

Can’t have states cracking down on baby murder now can we…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has struggled to get by on her new six-figure salary, given the high cost of living in her luxurious Washington, D.C. crib. https://babylonbee.com/news/ocasio-cortez-disappointed-to-learn-free-markets-arent-grocery-stores-where-you-dont-have-to-pay-for-anything/

Who knew?  LOS ANGELES, CA—According to reports, notorious Nazi leader Ben Shapiro was kicked out of his local Nazi Party after it was revealed that he’s actually a Jew. https://babylonbee.com/news/notorious-nazi-leader-ben-shapiro-outed-as-jew/

U.S.—A new pair of Microaggression Goggles has been made available for people who want to find something offensive in any situation.

This is great. A “handicap” for the handicapped.  U.S.—The NBA announced Friday that for the upcoming basketball season, the league will be assigning an “adversity score” to overweight white dudes to help more of them get signed with professional basketball teams. The score will take into account many environmental and biological factors, like the fact

Orwell couldn’t have said it better.  NEW YORK, NY—The New York Times increased its impressive collection of Pulitzer Prizes this week after an opinion piece published by the paper was instantly awarded a Pulitzer in the category of “Blatant Lies.” The piece, titled “Pregnancy Kills, Abortion Saves Lives,” was written by Dr. Warren M. Hern. It claimed