Satire

U.S.—Now that the ten candidates have been finalized for the next Democratic presidential debate, the ground rules for the debate are being decided. One early rule is to ban all use of facts and logic from the debate, as they’ve increasingly been a tool of far-right extremists and have fallen out of favor with the […]

NEW YORK, NY—After Lawrence O’Donnell admitted to publishing a sensational, world-altering, but also totally fake story about Trump’s finances and Russia, MSNBC confessed that it simply makes up all its reports about Trump using the patented Mad Libs system of making up random words and sticking them in blanks in pre-written sentences. https://babylonbee.com/news/msnbc-admits-they-make-up-all-stories-about-trump-using-mad-libs-book/

ATLANTA, GA—CNN has apologized to Stalin and Mao after a guest compared the brutal dictators to Donald Trump. https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-apologizes-to-stalin-mao-after-comparing-them-to-trump/

Prove them wrong!  U.S.—There have been a number of dire warnings about climate change, with some saying we have only a decade to fix things. Others say we have only months. But now climate scientists have revealed the worst news of all: Climate change killed us years ago, and the Trump presidency is some purgatory-like

SOUTH BURLINGTON, VT—Ben & Jerry’s has long been known for the ice cream company’s political activism, introducing flavors that support many progressive causes. https://babylonbee.com/news/ben–jerrys-unveils-new-antifa-flavors/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez came out hard against the Electoral College, slamming the institution as a racist scam that makes white people’s votes count for “like, a lot more” than other people’s votes. https://babylonbee.com/news/ocasio-cortez-proposes-counting-white-peoples-ballots-as-35-of-a-vote/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a campaign rally Friday, Democratic candidate Joe Biden unveiled his bold healthcare proposal, a plan that would allow Joe Biden to personally provide healthcare for every woman in the nation. https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-announces-plan-to-personally-offer-healthcare-to-every-woman-in-the-nation/

MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA—According to reports, former President and First Lady Barack and Michelle Obama have purchased a $15 million dollar home sitting atop 29 acres of land on Martha’s Vineyard, where they look forward to spreading their wealth around.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After President Trump touted himself as the “King of Israel” and the “second coming of God,” he was feeling pretty good about himself, now pretty much being confirmed as the rightful president of both America and Israel. https://babylonbee.com/news/horrified-trump-learns-what-happened-to-last-guy-who-called-himself-king-of-the-jews/

TEL AVIV—Representatives Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib were denied entry into Israel, but that wasn’t going to stop these two clever women from visiting the country they hate so much. So they hatched a plan, and it almost worked. https://babylonbee.com/news/tlaib-and-omar-try-to-sneak-into-israel-sitting-on-each-others-shoulders-and-wearing-a-trenchcoat/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a press conference Wednesday, President Trump announced he was born of a virgin and is the chosen one who will bring balance to the Force. https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-declares-he-was-born-of-a-virgin-and-will-bring-balance-to-the-force/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Republicans are often calling Trump’s loyalty to their party values into question, claiming Trump seems to have become a Republican out of convenience after being a Democrat for many years.  https://babylonbee.com/news/republicans-question-trumps-loyalty-to-party-values-after-he-actually-does-something-to-help-defund-planned-parenthood/

PORTLAND, OR—In a press release earlier this week, Portland police chief Danielle Outlaw (her actual name), appearing somber and exhausted, said she just wishes there were some kind of group with the firepower and authority to fight back against Antifa. In a candid moment, Outlaw (seriously, her actual name) said there was just nothing the police could

HONG KONG—As soon as Bernie Sanders heard about the democratic protesters in Hong Kong, he knew something had to be done. The U.S. senator quickly chartered a flight to Hong Kong in order to throw himself into the fray. Sanders bravely stood in the middle of the conflict between police and protesters, shouting at the

Is this even satire?  SILVER SPRING, MD—Local parents Bill and Cindy Kaufmann completed an annual tradition Friday when they posted a photo of their 28-year-old son Justin moving back into their basement. https://babylonbee.com/news/parents-of-28-year-old-millennial-post-annual-back-to-basement-picture/

NUUK, GREENLAND—There have been rumors that President Trump was considering buying Greenland, and Trump has now confirmed those rumors, revealing that he sees it as a great moneymaking opportunity if the U.S. purchases the world’s largest island, fixes it up, and then sells it at a much higher price. https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-to-buy-greenland-install-shiplap-hardwood-floors-flip-for-profit/

WASHINGTON, DC—According to sources within the federal government, God has filed a petition demanding the United States remove the phrase “In God We Trust” from all of its currency. https://babylonbee.com/news/god-demands-america-remove-in-god-we-trust-from-currency/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congresswomen Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar reported Thursday they were bewildered that they got banned from Israel, a country they seem to believe shouldn’t exist at all. https://babylonbee.com/news/women-who-dont-believe-israel-has-right-to-exist-not-sure-why-they-got-banned-from-israel/

Must build the wall! ? BARAD-DUR—Sauron has announced a new construction project for Mordor, which is an economic and military superpower nestled in the quaint, spider-infested hills to the east of Gondor. https://babylonbee.com/news/sauron-builds-wall-to-prevent-people-from-simply-walking-into-mordor/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A scarred, disfigured President Trump sat brooding in the Oval Office Wednesday morning and flipped his favorite coin to determine whether he was going to do something good for the country today or do something totally insane. https://babylonbee.com/news/scarred-disfigured-trump-flips-coin-to-see-if-hes-gonna-do-something-good-today-or-do-something-totally-insane/