Satire

U.S.—Oops! A social media scheduling error apparently caused Hillary Clinton to post her condolences for Tulsi Gabbard’s suicide one day early. https://babylonbee.com/news/hillary-clinton-accidentally-posts-condolences-for-tulsi-gabbards-suicide-one-day-early/

ATLANTA, GA—Strapped for cash and failing in ratings, CNN has discovered an innovative new way to cut costs: simply rerunning articles from a year or two ago and replacing the phrase “Russian collusion” with an updated term, “Ukrainian scandal.” https://babylonbee.com/news/more-news-organizations-just-rerunning-articles-from-last-year-but-replacing-russian-collusion-with-ukranian-collusion/

She’s no different than any other politician. Republicans just want to print $50 bills.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren has been pressed a lot on how she plans to pay for Medicare for All — a plan that could require $34 trillion in additional federal spending over ten years — without raising taxes on the

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources close to Hillary Clinton, the failed presidential candidate was gently returned to her padded cell disguised as the Oval Office over the weekend. https://babylonbee.com/news/asylum-orderlies-return-hillary-clinton-to-padded-cell-disguised-as-oval-office/

What’s the first thing you do when meeting someone new? Exchange pronouns, of course, to make sure you refer to each other accurately. But what if you didn’t have to do that? https://babylonbee.com/news/amazing-this-mind-reader-can-instantly-guess-peoples-pronouns-with-999-accuracy/

SACRAMENTO, CA—The California State Legislature passed a law today which requires every American flag in the state to have the stars representing anti-LGBTQ states removed. Governor Gavin Newsom signed the bill in rainbow ink this morning and then blew a kiss to the CNN camera in front of him. https://babylonbee.com/news/california-mandates-all-american-flags-have-stars-of-anti-lgbtq-states-removed/

Think about this for a second. Yes, it’s satire. But… WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress slammed President Trump for not doing more about the situation in Syria. They said the situation over there is really bad but quickly clarified that it wasn’t bad enough for them to use their constitutional powers to declare war. https://babylonbee.com/news/senate-claims-situation-in-syria-is-bad-but-not-bad-enough-for-them-to-actually-declare-war/

Again: how do you define fake news?  NEW YORK, NY—ABC News has been praised as a bastion of journalistic integrity and in-depth reporting after being the first ones to air authentic footage of a 164-foot-tall lizard monster rampaging through Syria. https://babylonbee.com/news/abc-news-labels-scene-from-1954s-godzilla-as-authentic-syria-footage/

U.S.—After Trump moved some troops from Northern Syria, he was immediately blamed for causing violence in the typically peaceful Middle East. https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-blamed-for-causing-conflict-in-usually-peaceful-middle-east/

WESTERVILLE, OH—After presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren was pressed on her plan to raise taxes on the middle class, Warren boldly answered the question by coming out as a gay man. https://babylonbee.com/news/in-response-to-question-about-raising-taxes-elizabeth-warren-comes-out-as-a-gay-man/

If only.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Republican National Committee has launched an ambitious fundraiser to help the Democrats televise a debate every weeknight. https://babylonbee.com/news/republican-national-committee-raising-money-to-help-democrats-televise-5-live-debates-a-week/

SACRAMENTO, CA—California is being heralded as a progressive utopia after eliminating electricity entirely. https://babylonbee.com/news/progressive-utopia-of-california-becomes-first-state-to-eliminate-electricity-entirely/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—There’s more bad news for California, as the failed state is struggling to even keep the lights on, and now President Trump has announced cutting off all foreign aid to California. “American money should go to Americans,” Trump told the press. “Not a bunch of Californians who will probably just spend the money on

NEW YORK, NY—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently held a town hall where a party of orcs stole the show. As Ocasio-Cortez was driving home a point about saving the planet by decreasing our own existence, an orc spoke up and said “What about them? They’re fresh!” pointing at some hobbits in the audience. “Excuse me?” asked

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a federal judge ruled that Trump could not keep his tax returns secret throughout an investigation in New York, a frantic, sweating Trump accessed the free version of TurboTax online and quickly began punching in his tax information for the last several decades. https://babylonbee.com/news/sweating-trump-begins-punching-last-few-years-taxes-into-turbo-tax/

U.S.—Our nation’s intrepid journalists had been warning the country about the threat of the Joker movie and how it could encourage violence among disaffected white people and incels — the new greatest threat to mankind. And as reporters prepared for an onslaught of violence as Joker premiered over the weekend, they were horrified by what

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has struggled to get by on her new six-figure salary, given the high cost of living in her luxurious Washington, D.C. crib. https://babylonbee.com/news/ocasio-cortez-disappointed-to-learn-free-markets-arent-grocery-stores-where-you-dont-have-to-pay-for-anything/

U.S.—Forgiveness and hugs are among the 36 new entries recently added to a database of hateful gestures used by white supremacists and other far-right extremists. https://babylonbee.com/news/forgiveness-added-to-database-of-racist-gestures/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats are beginning to grow worried that if their impeachment effort fails, they’ll have to resort to plan B: nominating an electable candidate and winning an election. https://babylonbee.com/news/dems-worried-if-impeachment-fails-theyll-have-to-nominate-electable-candidate/